Mid Life Crisis or Second Journey?

To tell you the truth, many of my ideas are not original. I read a lot, picking up pieces of this and that, filing them away, and then they come back out during opportune and inopportune times. I think the title of this post came from a book by Susan Howatch...and she was quoting someone else. Whereever this came from, I'm smack dab in the middle of trying to understand if I am having a "mid life crisis" (or what that even is, for crying out loud!) or at the start of a second journey.

Here is how I understand the good old fashioned "mid-life crisis". Usually a man hits his mid 40's or so, has a little extra money he didn't have as a younger man...and he gets a little itchy to do something he has not done before. At best, the cliche is to buy a little red sports car--most likely a convertible. At worst, the man trades in his first love for a trophy wife. And in between are all kinds of different behaviors--maybe changing physical appearance or taking up a new hobby. I'm not quite certain how this mid-life crisis behavior manifests itself in women. I suppose they can do similar things--after all--red sports car convertibles are FUN!! (Don't you think I would look really good in a red convertible? How many tickets do you think I would incur?)

But the "second journey" seems to be a different animal all together. There seems to be more of a sense of purpose. It's a change in focus. It's a chance to do something that the individual has not yet undertaken. There is less cliche and more risk. And now I find myself at a decision point. Am I having a mid-life crisis or do I have the courage to embark on a second journey?

All my early goals in life have been fulfilled--in one way or another. Sure there have been bumps along the road and things I did not plan. When I was in high school my goal was to go to college. When I got to college my goal was to graduate and get a job. Then the goal was grad school and job. Followed by marriage and having children. From there the plans were a little more murky...I assumed I would make the happily ever after stage eventually. I pictured myself with home, husband and grandchildren. My mom was a great example...and added caretaker to her many job titles. She took care of my dad and then her dad. She moved to Greenfield to help me during my divorce. So after the divorce and some really hands on grandparenting, I found myself in the role of caretaker for my mom. But that job is now done. 

Don't get me wrong. In all my current states and situations, I am truly blessed. I have a nice roof over my head, a job I love with a ton of benefits, a great man to love and explore life with, my dogs and some great great relationships. But there is this little niggling piece of discontent inside me. I now have the ability to make some changes and I want to do so...I think. 

There is talk of moving. There is talk of going back to school. There is talk of travel. And I have initiated all of these conversations. I've been told it is not wise to make any major decisions at this stage in life. Grief can cloud clear decision making. Yet I think I must listen to that niggle deep inside and begin to make some change. Hopefully I will be able to focus better, take a deep breath, and commit to a new plan; a new goal. Don't be surprised to read in this blog that I am doing something different. On the other hand...who knows? There may be a convertible out there somewhere with my name on it.