What goes up, Must come down...(Thankfully)

In a previous lifetime, back when I did child therapy, I was a certified trainer for the Crisis Prevention Institute. There was this wonderful section about behavior escalation that talked about the losing rational thought. I thought I understood this very well, especially in working with kids.

So now the same principals apply, but I don't see the same predictability. The hospice nurse says that although Mom's medical record doesn't say the cancer has metastasized to her brain, he says the behavior and other symptoms seem to be classic indicators that indeed, this is what has happened. Damn cancer. (Sorry, I had to throw that aside in there...) This is new to me. I can recognize some of her anxiety triggers, and have taken steps to limit them, but I just can't always get to them.

Today's incident had Mom not being able to find anyone. By anyone, she meant my dad. Just for the record, my dad has been gone since 1995. It's 2013. While math is not my strong suit, I can tell you that   means my father has been away from this earth for 18 years. When your mother is demanding you call your father, and your father's residence is definitely not a local number, you have a bit of a problem.

Eventually I decided to face the problem head on. I did not utilize the CPI official "supportive stance", but I did kneel in front of my mother, looked her in the eye, and said "Dad is dead". My fiercely independent mother who has taken up golf, bought two cars, sold a home and bought a home, spent 10 winters in Arizona, and traveled extensively all in the past 18 years that my father has been gone, looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she did not know this. It seemed to help ease her agitation, but only somewhat. Then again, who am I to say if telling this truth was what did it? Thanks to the wonders of modern pharmacology, something else might have been working on the agitation easing.

There are certain natural laws...such as gravity. Throw an object in the air, it will come back down to earth. Soar into the sky in an airplane and jump out...well...let's just pray you have a working parachute attached to your body. (And that you know how to use it.) The good news about emotions that rise to a frenzied, fever pitch is that they must also come down. So after my mother has yelled at me to find my dad and begged me to do something to help her find her mind, she has taken up residence on the couch and is sleeping soundly. She is calm. And while I am not, I know that I will be. My emotions went up, but they will come back down. And the battle with cancer continues.